I really dunno why and when l have becomes such a negative person with lots of negative thoughts.. I used to be a cheerful and take stride in whatever l do. Why worry for the unnecessary when there isnt anything to worry about. Sky wan to fall then fall la.. l can still sleep and wake up got lunch to eat le.. hahaha..
But now, l'm like finding things just to make me happy! l dunno how to be happy le or there is nothing to interest me anymore.. sad but tat is e truth.. Wait a minute.. l'm supposed to be happy and grateful, isnt it? Finally, though only 2 weeks since l left my previous job then l found a new one (really v qiao to land into tis job n at a very nice shopping area), better pay, gd ex boss and colleagues who are willing to teach me, family is not in any financial issue n got a bf.. then wat for is there to be unhappy n sob abt!!? Dilemma..
He is the one la.. who always make or break my day... if l'm in gd terms wif him then everyday is like valentine n v happy even face difficulties in work. But when we are in cold war, it only makes my whole life, work and etc etc more more more miserable..
l just want someone to remember me and dote me by end of e day so tat l feel loved. Make me forget all the unhappines things in work. But instead of waiting a whole day until nite time for a loving voice of encouragement, he always like to say tis sentence to me, "So late le, still dun wan to sleep ah?" Last time, he used to talk alot wif me wan.. share wif me his stories n knowledge but now every call is to ask me to SLEEP! l dun need a GO SLEEP call, l want a loving voice to encourage n tell me tat he loves me everyday...
However, it seems to be a very tough task. Tat day he even raised his voice and questioned me back, "why din u call me instead, why must always wait for me to call!?" You used to be e one calling me everyday n l also tell u before tat can u call me everyday so why are u asking me abt it now? All my sis's ex-bfs also called her everyday AND AT TAT EXACT TIMING without fail leh. l din even expect him to be like tat yet he tot l dun wan to call him, why l always dun call him.
But whenever l call, 7 out of 10 times, he sure got something on n cannot talk wan or tat stupid eric also looking for him.. hate tat guy tat always fight wif me!! So l rather wait for him yet he becomes angry wif me.. ma de.. You tot waiting v happy meh!!? Why cant u be a man n do e right thing, JUST CALL LA!! Very difficult meh.. Let e gal be happy to receive n hear ur loving voice ma..
One thing he might not know.. l'm a gal who likes guys wif loving tender voice.. his voice is one of e very thing tat attracted me to him in the first place... used to hear that everyday but now he dun even want to call me le. So sad.... Last time, if he din call me for just one nite, next morning he will be very anxious and will call me early in e morning, talked to me and explained why he din/cannot talk wif me e nite before. But now.... sometimes he dun even call me for days! l can feel that, a strong feeling, he dun love me as much as before le. Think he is sick of me le, 6 yrs le, he is sick of my behaviours, sick of my look cos l'm so fat and ugly wif rashes now.
I really miss those days where l worked hard for an entire day but by e end of e day, l get to hear his loving cheerful voice over the phone... a sweet and tender voice tat said, "mei nu!!!...........". Then all my unhappines will be gone and l felt very very loved and happy......... =)